[advice]My brother

[Calluna]

Not really sure where to post this but he's family so...

My brother, 18, has always lived with my mum. He has been sheltered from quite a lot and always treated like he is younger than he is. As a consequence I think his mental age is about 14 - 16 years old??

Now he's living with me, for the time being and will soon have to go out into the big wide world on his own, he is so not ready.

He's never had a job, and not really motivated past doing what he has to to be paid by c'link.

For the last 2 weeks he's been following me around the house and everywhere else like a lost little puppy, patially - I think - because he is bored and doesn't know how to entertain himself without his computer and... well I'm sure theres other reasons but I just can't pin point them.

He makes thinking noises like "hmm" randomly throughout the day. It's wierd and giving me the irrits. I ask "what?" and he says "nothing". soo annoying!

Obviously theres more to him than this, he is actually quite intelligent, just childish and lazy. Mum could never get him to do anything so she just gave up, he will listen to me though if I ask him to help out.

So what can I do?

How can I help him grow up a bit?

How can I get him to stop following me around the house watching everything I do?

How can I help him get a job at 18 with no experience and no qualifications?

How can I get him out of the house so that can have my life back?

Blah. I didn't actually want a full grown child just yet, I was happy with my toddler *sigh*





ETA- I realise he needs to want this to happen and I can't force it on him but where do I even start?

[Phteven]

ummmm, find him a girlfriend . Then he can follow her around her house and she can nag him about getting a job etc.
Sorry I couldn't offer any constructive advice how about one of these instead?

[Calluna]

ummmm, find him a girlfriend . Then he can follow her around her house and she can nag him about getting a job etc.
Sorry I couldn't offer any constructive advice how about one of these instead?

I dunno, part of growing out of teenagerhood is learning to shower isn't it? Might have to work on that one first...

I thought about Macca's, I'm just not sure if they'll take an 18yo, 'cause they'll have to pay him more than a junior... Guess there's only one way ot know hey...

[~Lashes~]

could you try get him a job at maccas or somewere like that? im sure they would train him to do what was needed? might give him something to do during the day/evening beside bug you.
id be giving him a whack across the head each time that noise was made! worked on BIL!
good luck, some people *need to learn about life the hard way, is it possible he is one?

[Calluna]

I wonder if he likes girls...

[~Jayne~]

Could you get him to do some volunteer work to try & nudge him gently into the big wide world? Or could you find some odd jobs around the house - like clean the guttering, etc... that he can do to 1) get him out your hair a bit & 2) to try teach him the workings of maintaining a home??

Is there anything he's particularly interested in that he could study? Like maybe welding, woodworking, etc...?

[HotI]

Stop babying him and tell him he needs to be studying, working or actively looking for work while he is living under your roof? Give him a heap of not-fun jobs so he is keen to get out of the house and get a job?

[Queen]

Firstly, You are doing such a wonderful thing

I have no real advice, but I would look into job networks and stuff, maybe they can help?
The problem is *these* days kids seem to expect to start at the top, regardless, which makes helping them hard.
Do you know anyone who could take him on as like a junior? Voulenteering?
Umm is he wanting to study? Get a career?

Good luck xo

[PumpkinZulu]

Unfortunately Maccas is very reluctant to hire over 18, as they must pay a higher rate, and why would they when they can get 15 yo's nice and cheap But I agree, encouraging him to get a job (or maybe even do a short course in something that interests him, computing or IT maybe?) will help him. I actually think Onyx is on the money, he needs a girlfriend to try to impress haha.

[peanutter]

I'd try to get him keen on something longer term ... a traineeship or apprenticeship ... whether it's something physical and labour-y, or being an orderley in a hospy or an office junior or phone stuff - something which gives him prospects for the future and room for growth and opportunities.

You've mentioned that he's quite intelligent, so he'll have options - that's great

He just needs to figure out whether he wants inside or outside, stuff with hands or brain, what he wants to work with, etc ...

Even non-traditionally guy stuff like reception or animal rescue or dental assistant or child care ... lots of those kind of jobs are starving for young guys! and plenty of them pay ok too - he'll be able to get some cash behind him, so in a year or two, he can make some choices about going out on his own and being properly independent



GL!